Jokes...

[joanne chapman]

Wow, way over my tiny little brain cell, leander. (btw wheres chapter 21)

Can you remember us dumb blondes, my brain is now frazzled - lawyers, probate and hacker things all in one day, ahhhhhh. I need a laugh to go with my JD. Or a bit more of what mae has been up to:lol:

I am sure it is very good, if your brainy, but I aint.
Have you bin smoking with Mr lugh?

[the_leander]

The first one is just real geek humour, the second is what happens when idiots think of themselves as "1337" or "Leet" (short for elite) when they get hold of really dangerous programs and scripts.

the ip address 127.0.0.1 is called the loopback address for bloody good reason

Chapter 21... I'd like to say I've been working on it but things in real life have for the moment pretty much put the kibosh on that. I will get around to it, just can't really say when...

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

The first one is just real geek humour, the second is what happens when idiots think of themselves as "1337" or "Leet" (short for elite) when they get hold of really dangerous programs and scripts.

the ip address 127.0.0.1 is called the loopback address for bloody good reason

Chapter 21... I'd like to say I've been working on it but things in real life have for the moment pretty much put the kibosh on that. I will get around to it, just can't really say when...

Hi Alan, I read through the hacker piece several times and frankly, it's worrying that there are people out there who seem to revel in the destruction of other people's pc's. It's a bit like car crime. They destroy other people's rights to enjoy and actively participate in this new, electronic existence... That said, thank you for posting it because it has made me aware of certain precautions that I must now take with another community that robbed me of my written work and finances...

I haven't posted much in the last few days. I've been occupied with a legal matter and yesterday I had to go to court to seek an injunction against a violent alcoholic living next door to me. I have consistently asked my housing authority to transfer me out of this shithole, but now maybe, they'll listen... Hopefully over the weekend I'll get back to form and participate further. In the meantime, please remember folks, this is your community and I am an equal member / artist. Initiate any threads you wish and talk about anything you like. My only request is that we all stick to the SENSITIZE © Guidelines...

Best wishes for chapter 21 Al and life in general mate... May Mercia be a happy land always ...

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

Bloke walks into a butcher's shop and order 2kilos of blue bottle flies. The butcher looks at him with indignation and says;

"We don't sell flies you cheeky bastard"..!

The bloke says;

"Feck. You've loads in your window"..!

[joanne chapman]

This is a joke by Mike Reid.

Bloke goes to the Doctors, the Dr said I am sorry to tell you that you have HIV 225. Dr say's that he has three days to live and that he should go and enjoy himself.

When he gets home he tells his mum. His Mum say's never mind son come bingo tonight it will cheer you up.

He goes to bingo and wins. First the four corners. then one line then two lines, then he wins the full house. Then he wins the national.

He goes up to collect his winnings and the caller say's you are the luckiest bloke I have ever met you have won everything tonight.

Lucky he say's, fucking lucky I have HIV 225.

The caller say's fuck me he's won the raffle as well.

[the_leander]

The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?" ask the owner

"Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the
cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." Replied the clerk.

"You idiot!" Yelled the owner" You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

"Of course you can!" replied the clerk, "Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

And another since I love you lot so much...


A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out,

"That`s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

"Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."

"You're right. I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

[the_leander]

Think you engineering types might like this one...
Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)
Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from
a bow.
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."

[the_leander]

A true groaner here,

The other week I was out on the town and got chatting to this German girl. She invites me back to her place for what she promised would be the greatest night of passion in my life.

I was somewhat confused when she handed me some springs to rest my hands and feet on and even more so when she asked me to start quacking.

Anyway, she was right. It was THE most incredible night of passion I've ever had in my life. I had to ask her how she did it.

"Foursprung Duck Technique" was her answer...

[joanne chapman]

I'm gonna get a classmate some laxatives, her chesty cough drives me fucking mad.

I'm gonna pass the Rolls Royce one on, classic - yanks don't u luv em.

[joanne chapman]

The Police have been in trouble again.

They shot a bus load of thalidomide tourists, suspected of bringing small arms into the country.

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

hahahhahahahahahahaha fuckin' hahahahahhaahhahaha & Agh me sides..! To all of the above.

Fierce attack of the giggles here now...

What a way to fall to sleep.

Nice one folks

[joanne chapman]

How do you turn Donald Duck into a soul singer?


Put him in the microwave until his bill withers.

[joanne chapman]

An elderly man and his wife goes to visit his GP. He explains his condition to the Dr.

The Doctor passes him three bottles and asks him to provide a urine, faeces and sperm sample to send off for testing.

His wife replies 'no need for those Dr, just give him your underpants luv'.

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

Two Hippies walking through a field come across a massive heap of cow dung. Sat on top of it is a small fly. One Hippie says to the other;

"Jee'ze! That fly sure needed a dump maaan"...

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

One for Jo & nurses everywhere...

Two nurses chatting on their lunchbreak one day.

Nurse One:

• "That slapper Patricia Hewitt was shipped in here lastnight".

Nurse Two:

• "Yeah. Cancer".

Nurse One:

• "I Wonder why she didn't go private"?

Nurse Two:

• "Tight slut. She wouldn't pay up, I heard"...

Nurse One:

• "Sounds about right. Does she know she's dying yet"?

Nurse Two:

• "Yes. Dr. O'Rielly told me to tell her this morning"...

Nurse One:

• "You bitch! I wanted to tell her"..!