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[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

!!

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1+1=10
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[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

DAVE'S GONE AWOL

• This is a general alert to all members. Dave aka spacecadet has gone AWOL from Sensitize. It's either that or he's been kidnapped by time-travelling critics again.
  
  Why is this such a concern? Well, the containment field around Sensitize that protected the internet from further outbreaks of Marmititus has also been ripped in what looks like a deliberate effort to spread the condition. One of the more alarming symptoms of Mamititus is a complete lack of care for the world and therefore the internet. Anarchy soon reigns...
  
  If anyone spots Dave aka spacecadet anywhere online, please do not approach him but report it to me as soon as possible. Marmititus is a serious disorder and if Dave has taken it out of Sensitize then, we're all doomed. Doomed I tellz ya ..!
  
  Now, where's that tranquiliser gun?

[spacecadet]

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about relativity.

It may look like I have not posted on Sesitize for some time but that period of time is only from your perspective. For me it has only been a few minutes since my last post due to the differences between our relative velocities. It's all down due your proximity to Slightly's Internet Hub. It's stretching the fabric of 1) the space time continuum, 2) reality itself, and 3) the trouser seat of anyone who understands what the nutter is doing.

Word out is that he is bnow powering the thing using a reactor fueled by "drunk matter". I've warned him but he won't listen.

[spacecadet]

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about relativity.

It may look like I have not posted on Sesitize for some time but that period of time is only from your perspective. For me it has only been a few minutes since.......




hang on. Haven't I already been here? Which timeline is this?

Blimey, this is getting complicated. Is this the reality where Lugh supports Rangers and Delph is a Nun, or the one where Danimik is in the Russian mafia? Oh my Lord, this isn't the "bad" reality where Labour is still in power is it?

Sod me, I've got to start paying more attention to these wormholes.

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

REALITY ONE:

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about relativity.

It may look like I have not posted on Sesitize for some time but that period of time is only from your perspective. For me it has only been a few minutes since my last post due to the differences between our relative velocities. It's all down due your proximity to Slightly's Internet Hub. It's stretching the fabric of 1) the space time continuum, 2) reality itself, and 3) the trouser seat of anyone who understands what the nutter is doing.

Word out is that he is bnow powering the thing using a reactor fueled by "drunk matter". I've warned him but he won't listen.

REALITY TWO:

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about relativity.

It may look like I have not posted on Sesitize for some time but that period of time is only from your perspective. For me it has only been a few minutes since.......




hang on. Haven't I already been here? Which timeline is this?

Blimey, this is getting complicated. Is this the reality where Lugh supports Rangers and Delph is a Nun, or the one where Danimik is in the Russian mafia? Oh my Lord, this isn't the "bad" reality where Labour is still in power is it?

Sod me, I've got to start paying more attention to these wormholes.

Well that's the last time I buy a watch off Mad Michael Gill. Bloody thing's running on Ghost Time..!

(Shakes watch and bangs it on tabletop)

Unfortunately, you're in the THE BAD REALITY mate. Labour are in power and led by a bloke with loads of money who wont pay to have the gap in his teeth fixed. Tony I think he's called.

There's no way Delph's a nun (is there?) or Danimik's in the Russian Mafia (no chance - I'd have bought my watch off him instead) or I'm a supporter of Rangers. I can't stand football or religion, so that one's a gonner my friend.

I too have heard about Slightly's plan to power the Internet Hub with drunk matter. In fact, there's a script writer (surgically implanted) in my head who thinks this might just be the catalyst for more episodes of The Crafty Fecker.

It's a bit sinister and would mean rebuilding the environment up from the start all over, but imagine a bar frequented by ghosts and time travellers that get mortals shitfaced then slump them (as drunk matter) into the engine of the Internet Hub / Time Machine and then cause all sorts of mayhem across the internet. It could work ...

This script writer is currently resting on a hammock made out of my synapses, somewhere in the nether regions of my brain. If I wake him abruptly, all hell could break loose. Give him time and I reckon he'll deliver the goods.

Delph a nun mwahahahahaha ...

If you get your pencils confiscated by her you'll know why LMFAO...

[spacecadet]

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about.......


Nope. This still isn't the correct reality. According to my calculations this reality has only a 0.2% divergence - well within tolerance. The only major differences I can see is that the Spice Girls are some sort of Popular Music group in this reality. Strange. I think the 'mites have been doing some psycho-historical manipulation.....

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

Lugh, you're totally forgetting everything you know about.......

Who am I ..?

Nope. This still isn't the correct reality. According to my calculations this reality has only a 0.2% divergence - well within tolerance. The only major differences I can see is that the Spice Girls are some sort of Popular Music group in this reality. Strange.

Do behave yourself Purleeeze..! If they were pop stars how would they be able to fly that space station and save the planet like they did last week..? You're windin' me up mate. I just know it...

I think the 'mites have been doing some psycho-historical manipulation.....

Mites? Mites? Mites?

Nope ...

[spacecadet]

According to my TWA-TS (Thesaurus andWorld Almanac - Temoporally Static) the Spice Girls were a 1990's terror group drawing inspiration from the likes of the Bader-Meinhoff and Red October movements of the 70's. Their "Girl Power" campaign of 1998 left over 150 people dead.

[spacecadet]

<- Forgot to mention that the Terminiters have won the battle in my head

[Mike Daniels]

Ah Leningrad in the summer of '67. The Hermitage, the Alexander Column, Peter and Paul Fortress, Our lady of Kazam - nop scratch that, my superiors will be watching, the Winter Palace..

Ah, sailing past Vasilievski Island under a moonlit sky on the River Neva, Michailovski Park, Griffons Bridge...and those B*****ds in Moscow, thinking that they knew it all, thinking that we were provinvials, just because we lived in Lenin.... sorry St Petersburg. Let me tell you, I was as loyal as any of them, but could I get promotion. Just because of that tiny incident with Andropov and the sales girl. I mean, how was I to know that he was her protector?

The evenings I spent walking down the Fontanka...Bas****s I tell you...

Oh, wrong reality.

I am of course that nice little Englishman...

[spacecadet]

Ah yes. St Petersburg. Named after that famous Russian, St Peters Burg, inventor of such things as the revolving chest wig and carbonated bovril drinks.

The town was previously named "Leningrad" which translates literally as "Len in Grad", "Grad" of course being the Russian name for "Drag" or cross dressing. Len was in fact the transvestite jester at he court of the wheezy and illness riddled Vlad the Inhaler.

Vlad in turn was succeeded by Catherine the Great, who used to strap herself to revolving fireworks for the purposes of sexual gratification and came to a rather sticky end after rolling under a carthorse.

(All this information is available from Dave's new Theasaurus and World Almanac - Temporally Static edition soon to be released as a book, a DVD and a matching ladies night attire set).

[Vladimir Putin]

Ah Leningrad in the summer of '67. The Hermitage, the Alexander Column, Peter and Paul Fortress, Our lady of Kazam - nop scratch that, my superiors will be watching, the Winter Palace..

Da. Now hi ham homesick for those hinnocent times. You must haff been ha spy heeefen back zen.

Ah, sailing past Vasilievski Island under a moonlit sky on the River Neva, Michailovski Park, Griffons Bridge...and those B*****ds in Moscow

Be keeerful comrade. If you theenk da sushi was bad, we haff ways of making da hafterlife heeefen more hunpleasant.

thinking that they knew it all, thinking that we were provinvials, just because we lived in Lenin.... sorry St Petersburg. Let me tell you, I was as loyal as any of them, but could I get promotion. Just because of that tiny incident with Andropov and the sales girl. I mean, how was I to know that he was her protector?

You knew. You know you deed. Andropov, I laff wheneffer I hear heeze name. Heeze hands deed indeed drop off. 5 years in ha Siberian salt mine weel do diss to ha spy weethout gluffs.

The evenings I spent walking down the Fontanka...Bas****s I tell you...

We steel haff da polaroids...

Oh, wrong reality.

I am of course that nice little Englishman...

You bluff no-one comrade. Heeefen diss faked death by radiation weel not last. Although jure ruse dat you har han English poet iz impresseeff.

Vodka For All...

[Vladimir Putin]

(All this information is available from Dave's new Theasaurus and World Almanac - Temporally Static edition soon to be released as a book, a DVD and a matching ladies night attire set).

Capitaleest Peeg!!!

[Mike Daniels]

apparently, Vladimir Putin is Alan Davies impersonating someone of vaguely Mexican/Welsh upbringing. Not that I've anything against Mexicans. Or Alan Davies for that matter.

(Don't mention the War! Or the Welsh! Or the war against Wales! Not a well known war, I know, but ...Oh that's another reality...)

I knew Len when I lived in Cardiff. He'd given up crossdressing and become a bricklayer prone to thieving from second/holiday homes - Pekah Jars stuffed with whatever he could find ending in 'mite.' Claimed the voices told him to do it.

St Burg was a class act - seriously. He used to come onstage playing an upper crust drunk. Back stage, I discovered it wasn't much of an act - he was drunk. I suspect someone of lacing his Parkin with Gin - he had a nasty temper. Kept going on and on and on about a mexican with long curly hair and a very bad accent...

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

(All this information is available from Dave's new Theasaurus and World Almanac - Temporally Static edition soon to be released as a book, a DVD and a matching ladies night attire set).

Capitaleest Peeg!!!

Don't come on here and insult our members you Russian tosspot..! You might be able to nut your own journalists, libertarians, reporters and writers, but here you're viewed with nothing but utter contempt and a pathetic dictator.

Either interact with the regular members politely or face a lifetime of written abuse from us all.

Got it..?