SENSITIZE ©

I would like to point out that I do not resemble Jabba the Hut quite as much as my avatar photo suggests..... I think I'll try and find a picture that wasn't taken towards the end of a stag night but looking through my photo collection there does seem to be a majority of them taken after 8 hours of solid drinking.

Not that I go out drinking for eight hours solid very often, it just seems to be the only time I go out with a camera......

spacecadet wrote:I would like to point out that I do not resemble Jabba the Hut quite as much as my avatar photo suggests..... I think I'll try and find a picture that wasn't taken towards the end of a stag night but looking through my photo collection there does seem to be a majority of them taken after 8 hours of solid drinking.

Not that I go out drinking for eight hours solid very often, it just seems to be the only time I go out with a camera......

Lol Dave

It's annoying trying to find the right picture. I'm not happy with my own one either. Felt weird having a smiley, happy face when posting messages to the Remembrance thread on Sunday.

I'll have to bribe Diarmuid with crackers and cheese til he gets a few more composed but happy shots of me.

Good luck with it all mate...

Vanity, vanity... all is vanity.

Guys, you look great.

I look like a Walrus.

An old friend gave me a black and white 10 by 12 print of a photo he took of me 22 years ago at some free festival we'd gone to in the 80's. By God I was thin and handsome. Where did it all go? (Or should I ask "where did it all come from?")

spacecadet wrote:I look like a Walrus.

An old friend gave me a black and white 10 by 12 print of a photo he took of me 22 years ago at some free festival we'd gone to in the 80's. By God I was thin and handsome. Where did it all go? (Or should I ask "where did it all come from?")

I think your picture makes you look quite distinguished Dave. Try not to be so critical, or I'll hide the marmite ...

Lugh wrote:I think your picture makes you look quite distinguished Dave.

Your being too kind.....

Lugh wrote: Try not to be so critical, or I'll hide the marmite ...

I take it all back. That's just cruel. If I don't get my marmite I have to replace the vitamins by eating the fresh adrenal gland of a freshly slaughtered vegetarian. I promised the judge I wouldn't do that again.

spacecadet wrote:
Your being too kind.....

Perhaps, but I did threaten your marmite supplies ...

Lugh wrote: Try not to be so critical, or I'll hide the marmite ...

spacecadet wrote:I take it all back. That's just cruel. If I don't get my marmite I have to replace the vitamins by eating the fresh adrenal gland of a freshly slaughtered vegetarian. I promised the judge I wouldn't do that again.

The judge is on the payrole Dave. Eat as many freshly slaughtered vegetarian's adrenal glands as you like mate. Feckers are taking over anyway..! All that bloody methane they fart out... Annnnd, what about the environment eh? Eh? If there were less vegetarians there'd be more foliage and treetops. This would vastly improve our air quality.

I can see a motto developing:-

Breathe Easy. Eat Vegetarians...

Yip. That could catch on ...

We had marmites once. Little beggars got everywhere. Quite put me off my food, seeing them creeping out from between the pages of my book.

I found you could get rid of them though with a bit of perseverence.

All you need is a sledgehammer and a wood nail - and no feeling in the fingers of your left hand. An ample supply of plasters/splints and a vet on call helps.

Mind you, I've never heard the last of it. Seems the dairylea cheese triangles were jealous of all the attention, and they went on strike. I had to have tuna for lunch for a week.

danimik wrote:We had marmites once. Little beggars got everywhere. Quite put me off my food, seeing them creeping out from between the pages of my book.

By god sir! Sounds like you've had an infestation of the blighters. Were they small jars of marmite or the large family size jars? They're the worst. They know their rights and will report anyone who harms them to Strasbourg. It is funny though. They really believe they've got human rights and are worthy of protection. No-one would dare pull them to one side and point out that they're actually manufactured from vegetable matter and produced solely for smearing on toast. It would cause a riot which could spark a war.

danimik wrote:I found you could get rid of them though with a bit of perseverence.

All you need is a sledgehammer and a wood nail - and no feeling in the fingers of your left hand. An ample supply of plasters/splints and a vet on call helps.

See? They've even got you bluffed. Vet? They've clearly convinced you that they're animal in nature. My suggestion, albeit aggressive, is that you cover them in plasters, climb a tree and jump on them while swinging your sledgehammer. Oh yeah, and yell; 'Remember The Alamo!' or; 'You'll Never Take Me Sober!' as you dive on them.

I also note you too have lost all sense of feeling in your left hand. You're clearly a seasoned veteran in marmite killing. Fairplay to you Mike. If we had more of your sort in the world. You know - people prepared to injure themselves in the practice of killing marmites? Then we'd all sleep much more soundly...

danimik wrote:Mind you, I've never heard the last of it. Seems the dairylea cheese triangles were jealous of all the attention, and they went on strike.

Those feckers could strike on a five pence piece. I've boycotted them in my fridge. Smug, three-sided, triangular bastards the lot of em..! Always forming themselves into groups of six and passing themselves off as circles... There ought to be a law against this sort of carry on. I'm phoning my MP..!

danimik wrote:I had to have tuna for lunch for a week.

This is indeed a sad day for marmite killers everywhere. You pick a fight with the little gits and they go and get tunas to fight their battles. Typical vegetable derivative behaviour..!

Cuh...

Tut...

Pah...

Is there any justice left in the world?

That said. The average tuna is about six foot long and nasty if cornered. You must be feckin' massive ..!

(Lugh - makes a mental note, never to pick a fight with danimik)...

I sincerely hope Dave is reading all of this and taking account of the damage marmites do...

The marmite is so called because it originates from the Marmosets of the Mongolian steppes where it would carry various nasty germs. The Marmosets were captured by passing decendants of the hordes who taught them to dance and sold them to Portugese traders. Theses dancing Marmosets were popular with Victorian gentlewomen until it was found that the escaping marmites had a propensity to nest in facial hair of the heavily moustachioed husbands. It was a common site amongst Victorian town houses to see the maids beating the marmites from carpets with heavy brass implements but eventually this led to the Edwardians shaving their faces to escape the pesky vermin.

There was an outbreak of marmites in Los Angeles in the 1970s, mostly amongst the hirsuit people working in the "Adult" film industry. This led to the penchant for full body waxing and the birth of the "Californian" hair style required to bring the infestation to an end.

spacecadet wrote:The marmite is so called because it originates from the Marmosets of the Mongolian steppes where it would carry various nasty germs. The Marmosets were captured by passing decendants of the hordes who taught them to dance and sold them to Portugese traders. Theses dancing Marmosets were popular with Victorian gentlewomen until it was found that the escaping marmites had a propensity to nest in facial hair of the heavily moustachioed husbands. It was a common site amongst Victorian town houses to see the maids beating the marmites from carpets with heavy brass implements but eventually this led to the Edwardians shaving their faces to escape the pesky vermin.

Well, that's a classically English response to this terrible situation ..! Don't you have a conscience man? Are you deliberately minimalising the seriousness of this ungodly affliction in a quest to keep things quiet? What about the Parisian Outbreak of Marmititus that affected hundreds, nay thousands of French people and began the whole cult in California that you have fleetingly referred to below?

spacecadet wrote:There was an outbreak of marmites in Los Angeles in the 1970s, mostly amongst the hirsuit people working in the "Adult" film industry. This led to the penchant for full body waxing and the birth of the "Californian" hair style required to bring the infestation to an end.

It's not only people from history who have been affected Dave. It would appear that there has been another, more virulent outbreak of Marmititus in the UK. Some of the symptoms are quite alarming. Take This poor soul for starters (God luv him). He has been stricken with the most viscious form of the disorder and has taken to smearing the bloody stuff on everything. It's only a matter of time before he spreads it on the his walls and literally eats himself out of house and home. This would explain the sharp increase of homelessness in the UK too.

I find it hard to believe this guy was a star in the Adult film industry and was wondering if it were possible he might be a throwback to the 70's Californian outbreak of Marmititus?

• THIS IS RAPIDLY BECOMING A CYBER-PANDEMIC..!

• WE SHOULD QUARANTINE SENSITIZE..!
  
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• • • MAN THE LIFEBOATS...!!!

• • • INCOMING...!!!

• • • MEDICS...!!!

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Marmosets were also taken to the Australian sub-continent by Chinese immigrants where, due to the proliferation of unwashed, hairy Europeans and the lack of natural predators they quickly gained a foothold amongst the local fauna. After several hundred years these varmints have evolved due to the warm wet conditions and are known as "Vegemites". These pests are kept away from moustaches by the hanging of corks from the brims of their hats.

Ah, don't get me started about marmosets. No, seriously, don't get me started. I said, don't...

NO, that's just wicked.

I had a pet marmoset once that I kept in a vegimite jar. Some people said it was just cruel, because the marmoset was much bigger than the jar, even though I had bought the very biggest jar available - I think they called it a Pekah after a minor king of the Northern Kingdom.

And I found out later just how appropriate the name was, and David - my marmoset - came to rule my home after assassinating our dog. Oh, the times were bloody.

The nspca told me it was my fault. The dog needn't have died, if only I'd given David a room of his own.

Of course, it ended in heartbreak. David ran away from home and never even wrote. I think he went on the marmoset underground to Australia where he changed his name to King Vegimite the First as an ironic gesture towards his early upbringing.

And of course, Pekah's have had a bad name in certain quarters ever since...

<quickly reads the last two posts>

<backs slowly out of the thread>

spacecadet wrote:Marmosets were also taken to the Australian sub-continent by Chinese immigrants where, due to the proliferation of unwashed, hairy Europeans and the lack of natural predators they quickly gained a foothold amongst the local fauna. After several hundred years these varmints have evolved due to the warm wet conditions and are known as "Vegemites". These pests are kept away from moustaches by the hanging of corks from the brims of their hats.

This is blatant propaganda. We all know who you are David. Danimik has explained (see below)... How do you sleep at night man? Are the Australians or Chinese aware that you have demonised their entire culture with this white wash on the truth?

danimik wrote:Ah, don't get me started about marmosets. No, seriously, don't get me started. I said, don't...

NO, that's just wicked.

I had a pet marmoset once that I kept in a vegimite jar. Some people said it was just cruel, because the marmoset was much bigger than the jar, even though I had bought the very biggest jar available - I think they called it a Pekah after a minor king of the Northern Kingdom.

And I found out later just how appropriate the name was, and David - my marmoset - came to rule my home after assassinating our dog. Oh, the times were bloody.

Good God Mike..! Are you saying you kept David, our resident comedy poet (pote according to him) in a large jar called Pekah ..?

Odd feckin' name for a jar...

danimik wrote:The nspca told me it was my fault.

Lyin' parcel of tossers that lot. What do they know about Davids, jars or Marmosets?

danimik wrote:The dog needn't have died, if only I'd given David a room of his own.

Well, hindsight is a wonderful thing, but tell me... Had we all not learned from it, wouldn't we still be smearing Marmite on cave walls and saying 'Ug' a lot? This is worthy of further debate and perhaps an investigation by Scully and Mulder of the X-Files...

danimik wrote:Of course, it ended in heartbreak. David ran away from home and never even wrote.

No, no, no, no, no..! He became a poet (pote). I know many people don't see poetry as writing, but hey - are any of us here to accommodate them? Hmmm..? Hmmm..?

danimik wrote:I think he went on the marmoset underground to Australia where he changed his name to King Vegimite the First as an ironic gesture towards his early upbringing.

Ahhhh. Clever rascal... Did he pay full fare though? The reason I ask is that you have stated he was too large for his jar. I've heard Marmosets frequently cheat on bus and train fares. Bastards... Don't they realise the damage they're doing to the environment and pensioner's rights?

danimik wrote:And of course, Pekah's have had a bad name in certain quarters ever since...

I'll have you in court for defamation of character. That Pekah was a complete Nazi and deserved every one of those lethal injections...

NURSE...!!!

the_leander wrote:<quickly reads the last two posts>

<backs slowly out of the thread>

That's just pointless Alan. All that you'll achieve is a breach of the containment field set up by Delph in an emergency bid to halt the progress of Marmititus across the internet.

QUICK SOMEBODY. GRAB ALAN...!!!